Thursday, June 9, 2011

A Stormy Night to Dream


Nothing new on the writing front, but I wanted to post something about the storm tonight.

It's pouring tonight in Iowa; flash flood warnings, severe weather alerts, caution high winds, lighting lighting up my room and thunder shaking my cheaply made windows.  I've never really liked storms, growing up as a kid in an old farm house from the early 1900s.  It was creepy.  The wind would always shake the windows and I'd wake up, crying and scared.  The power would go out a lot in our house and I'd be left awake.  In the dark.  I remember the last big storm before I moved out of my parent's house.  The thunder was so loud that it woke me up and the power was out.  I didn't have a flashlight and I admit, I got scared.  I ventured upstairs from the basement and found my dad getting ready for work, making his lunch in the kitchen for another long day of unappreciated factory work.  He told me that he wondered if I was awake and gave me a hug, comforting his daughter.  At that moment, I knew how much he loved me.  When we were buying things for my apartment last August, my dad picked out a flashlight for me, knowing that I would need it in the dark.

Right now, my dad is angry with me.  Justifiably so.  I hurt his feelings by not going to his family reunion.  Yes, I am sorry and I should have gone.  But I feel like he doesn't always treat me like an adult.  It should have been partly my choice to attend or not.  My parents made it an obligation.  I'm not angry with that, but sad that they can't see I'm trying to grow up here and forcing me to do things I don't want to do isn't helping anyone.  I've always been a Daddy's girl, though I don't know if he always noticed.  We went to a Father/Daughter dance earlier this year and my older sister protested some.  She thought she was too old.  And my dad stated that we didn't need to do this kind of thing that often.  We didn't need that time together.  Really?  It hurt my feelings because I loved those dances, getting to dance with my Dad and pretending in that moment that I was his little princess again.  

I love my dad, whether or not he's angry with me.  I've been having trouble with my legs and now my doctor wants me to talk to me about some blood pressure problems and I'm dealing with it alone.  I can't call my Dad and I doubt my mom would want to hear it either.

That's really all I have to say tonight.

Good night,


  1. It is difficult navigating the gap between 'child' and 'adult'. I'm sure he'll calm down. I hope your legs aren't giving you too much trouble, it's hard dealing with pain and ill health alone.

    Thinking of you! x