Friday, April 6, 2012

F is for Falling Star

"Falling Star" was my very first novel that I wrote.

I wrote it during NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) of 2008.  Admittedly, I self-published this book in 2011 and after a few months, I took it down.  It's really not that good and now it will only live on my computer, hidden in a file.  I am still quite proud that I wrote it, but it's just not to be read.  I think almost every author has some book on their shelf that they wrote, but won't share.

I do want to share a small excerpt with you.  It's one of my favorite scenes in the book, towards the end.  As a little background, Evelyn was raped and became pregnant with the baby of her rapist.  She refused to ask for help and kept it a dark secret until she miscarried.  This scene is where she tries to understand what has happened to her. (Also, it is Good Friday and she's in a church.  It does fit.)


The inside of the building was warmer than the December wind that had threatened to bite my wounded skin.  I walked down the maroon carpet, leaving wet shoeprints.  Pushing open the heavy oak door to the sanctuary, I looked at the dark pews and faded light coming in through the stained glass images of Christ and the cross.  When I was younger, I used to stare at those windows for hours and now I could barely glance at them.  Resting my hand on my empty stomach, I knelt on the floor in front of the pulpit.  Tears trickled down my cheeks as I stared at the wooden cross on the wall behind the grand piano.  Was God still there now?

“I quit.”

God didn’t answer.

“I still believe in you and I want to know that you love me, but God… why did you take my baby from me?  I want her back.  Please.”

In my heart, I knew that the silence and peace of the sanctuary was my only answer.  I couldn’t have my baby back.  God was showing me that he wanted me to know that he was in control and I wasn’t.  My life hadn’t been in control since that fateful day in October when my fairy tale ended.

“God, answer me!” I screamed, bending over as the emptiness in my heart filled me.  “Please say something!  Anything!  I need to know why I am suffering!”

Looking up with angry tears cascading down, I saw my answer.  Hung upon the wall with a crown of thorns on top was the cross.  On that cross an innocent man had died.  Whatever I was suffering, God has felt it a million times over.  His only son died upon a cross like a criminal when all he had done was come to love and teach us.  I may have lost my baby, but God lost the world through Adam and Eve and to save to the world he sacrificed his son.  I was a fool.  God loved me even more at this moment and he was cradling me in his arms, comforting me like a small child that tripped and scrapped a knee.  Sobs exploded from my chest as I wished that I could be whole again.

“I’m sorry Father.  I’m sorry that your son had to die for someone like me.”


 Do have something that you wrote and it's hidden in a computer file?

27 comments:

  1. Very fitting for Good Friday and the Easter holiday. Thanks for sharing this with us. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's a beautifully written scene! I'd like to read the rest! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Kyra. Maybe I'd publish it again someday, but there are some major character flaws in the writing and the character that don't fit with with the story/life. Maybe. :)

      Delete
  3. Thanks for sharing that, very fitting for Easter. Hope you have a great holiday! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Christine! I hope you have a happy Easter! :)

      Delete
  4. A very revealing scene--and it's the truth. I have several manuscripts on my computer. I often think about rejuvenating them, but then think no---not now.
    I like the title--Falling Star.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Lindi. I've thought about rejuvenating it, but it is gonna have to be years from now. I'm in the middle of writing a new novel, revising another, brainstorming revisions for another, and the second part of the one I'm writing - the sequel keeps popping into my head!

      I love the title too. It's because I love stars. And her story mirrors how a falling star is only seen for a moment, and we'll remember it for that moment... but after, it fades.

      Delete
  5. Beautifully written :)
    Keep it up !

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beautiful scene and so appropriate for this time of year. Great job. :)

    Yes, I do have something on my computer that most likely will never see the light of day, but I keep working on it thinking maybe one day I'll get it right and it will be worth publishing.

    Excellent post today,
    Michelle :)
    www.michelle-pickett.com/blog

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wonderful share!!! I agree with Michelle...what you shared was beautiful, go fix what you think needs fixing and try again! I loved your post so much I have added your post to A.D.'s FAV 5 of the A to Z Challenge today! Come and see...http://adduling.wordpress.com/

    Thanks!
    A.D.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are some major things that would need to be fixed before I would consider publishing it again. Maybe in a few years I'll get around to it. :) I'm honored that you liked my post so much!! Thank you!

      Delete
  8. A pain-filled excerpt that erupts with awe and understanding of Christ. Thank you so much with sharing this today.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Very touching. I agree with the other commentors. You should fix what you need fixing and try again. It sounds beautiful.

    Blog #atozchallenge

    ReplyDelete
  10. Maybe it just needs a little editing.
    I have a lot hidden in my harddrive lol.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I do love that cover :) And the excerpt was just as amazing.

    I've got plenty of work hidden away where no one will see it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Cassie! I actually took that picture outside one day, just tossing my bible in front of a tree. I like it too. :)

      I think it's good to have some work hidden away. :)

      Delete
  12. Oh that last line makes my heart ache for the poor girl.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Like Cassie, I also love the cover. A beautiful excerpt and a fitting post. I think it's inevitable that any writer, or anyone pursuing writing, has something they've written hidden away in their closet of skeletons.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Mel! I took the picture myself. :) I love that you called them a closet of skeletons. It should be perfectly okay for writing. :)

      Delete
  14. Yes, now that you dusted that piece off, maybe you could do the same with more of it. Nanowrimo 2010 sits on my computer...2 people were given access to it in its entirety...felt scary!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Sounds interesting. You should try to pub it again. :D

    ReplyDelete
  16. I had a poem called "Job" when I was hunting for a job and it also doubled as a very Job-esque cry to God in pain. It's dripping with angst, inconsistent in style, and I am perfectly content to hide it on my hard drive forever.

    ReplyDelete
  17. The excerpt was beautiful:)
    I understand your having a piece you'd rather not publish, but I hope to see some other work of yours showing up somewhere! Best of luck:)
    --Katie
    The Fiction Diaries

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Katie! I'm actually hoping to self-publish one of my books in October and maybe you'll get to read it. :)

      By the way, I love the title of your blog!

      Delete
    2. I'll be looking out for it!
      And thank you!:)

      Delete