Saturday, April 27, 2013

We Reject Ourselves


A few weeks ago, I received my first full request for my manuscript, DEFIANCE.  I was overjoyed!  I tried to keep calm remembering, the agent could still not like the full manuscript.  My brain was on overdrive.  I'm pretty sure my email got annoyed I checked it so much for the next twenty days.  Seriously, I think my email began to mock me. 

Those days passed.  Slowly.  The rest of that batch of queries came back as kind rejections.  I wasn't expecting to hear back the same day as another simple form rejection.  It was an email from the agent.  I could see the first sentence before opening it.  I took a deep breath and clicked it.  It was a kind pass on my manuscript.  It was nothing about the novel; the agent loved the premise, but the agent wasn't in love with the novel and to sell it, the agent wanted to love it.  It was disappointing.  I didn't cry at first.  The agent was very kind and though I won't reveal who it was, the agent is still an incredible agent and anyone who gets this person as their agent is very lucky.  Anyway, it was a hard to deal with.  I'd gotten closer than I had gotten in years.  (I had an agent briefly a few years back, but it was a bad situation and I won't get into it.)

I wanted to quit.  I wanted to throw things because I felt inadequate to be a writer.  Rejection sucks; don't let anyone ever tell you anything different.  They are probably numb if they lie or pros at lying to themselves.  I began to question if anything I've ever written was good enough.  I have a few crappy novels I won't publish, unless someday I do some serious work on them.  They are stepping stones on the way to being a better writer. 

That was Wednesday.  I felt like this.

Today is Saturday.  Yes, obviously but today I woke up and I didn't hate writing today.  I think it helped I stopped feeling bad for myself last night and decided to work on my critique partner's book.  It's awesome by the way. I love his style of writing.  He complimented me on doing the A-Z and critiquing a book and doing Camp NaNoWriMo.  I almost responded, "Yeah, no big deal."

Actually it is a big deal!  As writers, we sell ourselves short.  We say what we wrote is crap and we compare ourselves to other writers.  Constantly we compare and reject ourselves.  We reject our own writing before we even try to let someone else love it.

NO.

We have to stop doing that!  Writers don't always accept a compliment because we don't wanna be boastful or proud and annoying.  It's okay to accept when someone compliments you.  Don't brush it aside.  Don't always focus on the bad.  Focus on what you love about your novel and characters, not about that plot hole the size of Texas and the character with more cliques than a blond with a low IQ.  You can fix that.

Accept a compliment on your writing.

                   Don't blow off that writing a book isn't an accomplishment.  

                                                Don't reject yourself before you even begin. 

Love your writing and take it one day at a time.  Your "once upon a time" will come.  Don't hate the journey to get there.  Live it.

So, what I'm taking away from this.  I'm a writer and I've written seven books.  I love what I write, even if it needs some help.  It's nothing to look down at myself for.  Someday I'll be published.  It will all be worth it.  Until then, I will love writing and take the rejections as they come, remembering this is not the end.  It's a story that is just beginning.  And will continue with every page we write.

You'll get there too.  I believe in myself and you. :)

22 comments:

  1. LOVE this post. Just what I needed to read at this point in my career--baby, day job, the Blah's. You know how it goes. Fantastic words of wisdom and encouragement. Keep keeping your chin up, Girl. Everything has its time, and yours is coming. :)

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    1. I'm glad it was helpful Alyssia! Side note: I love your name! It would make a great character name.... :) Keep your chin up too! I hope my time is coming. :)

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  2. Rejection is tough, and we all deal with it in our own way.

    "Don't hate the journey to get there. Live it." - I loved this line! It's the perfect attitude to have, and it will one day get you where you need to be.

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    1. One day - I hope we both get there. :) Thanks Laura!

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  3. Keep pushing on. The rejection does get easier, but it also makes the YESES all that much sweeter.

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    1. I bet it does make those "yes" emails much sweeter! :) Thanks Kate!

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  4. Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

    *hugs*

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    1. Thanks Aldrea! And thanks for the hug - I needed it! :)

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  5. Isn't that the truth, all of what you said. Writers just have to kee on typing. It doesn't make the rejections easier. No, it makes them more difficult. But things that are truly important in life aren't going to be easy. Yup!

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    1. It does make it more difficult because we are quitting. But it is very important. We are going to do it! :)

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  6. Painful as it is, it's part of the process. Pain can be a good thing though. I'm not sure it's good to be successful straight out of the gate. Seems like it would be preferable, but you're getting something positive out of it, even if it doesn't feel like it.

    mood
    Moody Writing

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  7. Rejection sucks, sometimes I deal with it better than others but it always hurts especially if in your heart you thought this is it. Glad you managed to pick yourself up and carry on, I'm sure you'll get there. Sending you positive thoughts :)

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  8. You had your pity party and are now ready to move on - good for you!
    It's hard not to feel personally rejected. We just can't linger there.

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  9. Wonderful post, Krista. It's so easy to compare ourselves to other writers. We have to remember that most of the time it's not a matter of better or worse, just different. Different styles, voices, stories.

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  10. Wow, go you! What a pep talk! You are amazingly positive, Krista, and we can all learn from you :)
    And congratulations on getting a full request. That's awesome, even if the agent ended up passing on the book.

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  11. LOVE this post. I can totally relate. I sent out 23 queries and had like 8 full requests. A lot of them came back as no, not quite there yet. I have a few more out there, but I am hoping someone likes it. If not- there is always the next book. And the next book. Congrats on getting the full request- you are getting there, Krista. :)

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  12. Awesome post! I admire you that you're so positive. I agree completely with you too. I can sympathize. I had a few agents and publishers look at a manuscript, ask for a full, and then reject it with saying they didn't love it enough. Ouch. Yet I just had to step back, remember the people that did love it, and push on.

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  13. I love that you've taken the best out of this situation and are moving on. You got further than you have before and that's something to be proud of. Rejections are inevitable so it's best to look at them as an opportunity to redouble our efforts and work harder. You're getting there!

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  14. Thank God! I was so worried when I read your email the other day, Krista. You had me in tears. My heart hurt for you. I've read that MS and I KNOW it's good. It has so much potential whether that one agent saw it or not. I'm so happy to read this post and hear the positive person you are come through.

    Rejections do come. And the suck. Bad. And they always will. And whoever said they are a "learning experience" I want to say to that person, "I want to stop learning, then!" But you are a hard worker and a talented writer and I fully believe that you will see your books published.

    Now you need to believe it, too. :)

    Always here to help,
    Michelle

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  15. I posted this once already but I guess it didn't take :(

    Congrats so much on just getting the request! That is a huge deal in and of itself regardless of whether they accepted it in the end. Like you said it wasn't the novel it just wasn't a good fit for that particular agent. You'll find someone who does love it! How many times did J.K. Rowling get denied? ;)

    I'm done with classes at last! Maybe we can make another attempt at being email buddies lol. Miss you and hope all is well:)

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  16. Congratulations on the victory. An inspiring and motivating post.

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