Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Feeling a bit like Eeyore

*peeks head out of cave* Yep, I'm stepping out of my revision cave for a little bit. One, I have to escape the smell of burned popcorn from last night. Oops! And two, I'm seeking some company.

I've been pretty busy this month. I finished another round of revisions for "Defiance" and I'm quite happy with how they turned out. I'm also working on revisions for "Breathless". The incredible Cassie Mae, author of Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend and two other books soon to release, did a read-through of my novella and gave me some great tips on how to revise it!  Her comments were hilarious! I'm going to be adding a chapter or two, fixing my obsession with my MC rolling her eyes (it is seriously ridiculous and I'll never roll my eyes again), and beefing up the romance. I'm very excited to work on it!

The rest of my life... a bit complicated. Work is great and I love my littles. They are busy, but great and snuggles are my favorite part of the day. The other part is harder. We've had a little foster girl staying with us for a few months and she's eighteen months old. But she's gonna be going home suddenly after very few visits. It's hard because I've become quite attached to her. It's hard for me because I see a little girl who wouldn't smile or laugh or play and she's become full of life and personality. But she's going back with someone who couldn't even teach her to smile or show her happiness. It's really really hard. Is it best for her? I don't know and I don't get a say. It makes me think of how much I want to be a mother. I'm waiting patiently, but I want to be a mom so much that it hurts. It is just hard to be patient when I see a little girl who needs love and I want to give it, but I can't. What am I doing wrong that I have to keep waiting? Sorry, but it's really on my heart lately. I guess that's what I get for working with infants all day. God has a purpose for this part of my life, but I don't see it yet.  Sorry if that was too much. I'm usually pretty private about my personal life, but I just wanted to share my thoughts with someone.

Someday. I just have to keep reminding myself. Someday.

I haven't written anything new lately, but I did start the first chapter of my new novella, Twisted. It's like Breathless in a way. Breathless is a unique twist on "The Little Mermaid". Twisted is a twist on "Snow White". Hopefully I can find some time to work on it this weekend.

How are things going in your life?  How's your writing going?  To end this on a positive note, everyone needs some encouragement, and I want to say that I love all of you and you are all gonna make it someday!


  1. Just remember that YOU helped make her smile. I'm sure that's extremely hard to go through.

    For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    You did a good thing and there is something wonderful in story for you. Keep writing and keep your eyes on him ((hugs))

  2. I don't know what I can say that would add anything to Eliza's beautiful words. (((hugs)))

  3. I agree with Eliza - you added a bright spot in her life. I had a lot of foster 'brothers and sisters' while growing up. Some went back to 'good' circumstances. Some didn't. There's especially two cases which make me stop and wonder today. I hope they're doing well. I pray all is fine, and I remember He has His own ways. It will be okay.

    Great to hear your revisions are running well. What a lucky girl you are to have Cassie Mae giving you pointers!

  4. *snuggles* Everyone else has already said everything I was thinking! It's so great that you made that little girl smile!

  5. Being a mother is the one thing in life I'm absolutely positive I want to do. It'll be a few years yet, though - I'm not in the right place, and I'm really not ready yet, or at least that's what I keep telling myself! Everyone seems to be pregnant at the minute, too.
    Like everyone said, you made her smile so you should be proud of that.
    It sounds like your revisions are going well, which is great. Keep it up, and keep smiling!

  6. I'm glad you shared your thoughts! Being a mother was super high on my list too, and for two years I was unable to conceive, then it happened, and it was beautiful, and I love being a mother. But I thought that was all I needed to make me happy and it turns out I wasn't happy anyway. I don't know why, but I feel the need to share this story with you:

    "One woman wanted more than anything else to marry... and be a mother and a wife. She had dreamed about this all her life, and oh, what a wonderful mother and loving wife she would be. Her home would be filled with loving-kindness. Never a bitter word would be spoken. The food would never burn. And her children, instead of hanging out with their friends, would prefer to spend their evenings and weekends with Mom and Dad.

    This was her golden ticket. It was the one thing upon which she felt her whole existence depended. It was the one thing in all the world for which she most desperately yearned.

    But it never happened. And, as the years went on, she became more and more withdrawn, bitter, and even angry. She could not understand why God would not grant her this righteous desire.

    She worked as an elementary school teacher, and being around children all day long simply reminded her that her golden ticket had never appeared. As the years passed she became more disappointed and withdrawn. People didn’t like being around her and avoided her whenever they could. She even took her frustration out on the children at school. She found herself losing her temper, and she swung between fits of anger and desperate loneliness.

    The tragedy of this story is that this dear woman, in all her disappointment about her golden ticket, failed to notice the blessings she did have. She did not have children in her home, but she was surrounded by them in her classroom. She was not blessed with a family, but the Lord had given her an opportunity few people have—the chance to influence for good the lives of hundreds of children and families as a teacher."

    I don't mean to be preachy, but that story really touched me becasue I realized I was always looking for something better when I had plenty to be happy about in the moment. Anyway. I love and I hope you keep pushing on through the hard stuff!

  7. Hugs!! God has a plan for both you and that little girl. You've already made a difference in her life. And all the best with your revisions! Great that you're excited about them!

  8. Oh Krista, I'm so sorry. But thank goodness that little girl had you for awhile, any way. It takes a very special person to be able to foster parent, knowing that things won't always end the way you want them to. Take care. :)

  9. Wow, that sounds tough. I understand why you feel like Eeyore. I hope everything works out for that girl.

    Glad you got some good editing advice. It's more valuable than gold.

  10. awww! well congrats on revising success!

    as for the sweet foster child, i hope and pray she got enough exposure to your family of how things should be that she can be stronger now, going back

    keep being that positive light girl!

  11. I feel that way sometimes too, minus the constant falling off of my tail. :)