The Sarcasm, Snark, and Sass Blogfest!

 Today is the Sarcasm, Snark, and Sass Blogfest, hosted by L.G. Keltner in honor of three years of blogging! Congratulations Laura! :)

The rules are simple! On Friday, January 9th, 2015, give me a post that celebrates something sarcastic, snarky, or just satisfyingly sassy. You can give me an example from real life, a favorite film or book, or you can give me an original piece of fiction. The sarcasm can either by well understood, or hilariously misunderstood. Some people are in desperate need of a sarcasm sign, after all.

I'm going to be sharing a scene from my novel, "Silent Beauty". Two of my main characters, Alanna and Jared are very sassy and sarcastic people. This takes place toward the beginning of the novel.

I wiped the counter and plopped down on the stool. Saturday nights at the coffee shop were always slow, and tonight was even worse than usual. Jared moved around the room, picking up an empty cup from one of the three customers. He carried it to the bin and set it inside. I returned my attention to the open math book, groaning as the numbers blurred. Staring at the numbers and letters was giving me a headache. But I had to figure it out. I’d only scored 54 out of 100 on the exam Friday. I rested my chin on my hands.

“You need to move the first digit to the second column to be able to find the answer for X.”

I glanced up at Jared. “And then if I just fold on the middle line, I’ll be able to make an origami swan.”

Jared’s smile reached his eyes as he picked up the tub of dishes. “That takes quite a few more folds,” he said over his shoulder as he carried it into the washroom.

“Okay. If I did that, how would I finish the problem?” I called after him.

Jared’s head popped around the corner and his blue eyes caught the light. I dropped my eyes back to the paper. He came to stand next to me, grabbing the glasses hanging from the front of his apron. I hadn’t even noticed he wore glasses. Jared pushed the black frames up his nose and leaned over, putting his elbows on the sticky surface.

“You move the X over, divide for Y and take it times the multiplier to get the answer.” Jared picked up the piece of notebook paper. “Or you could do this.”

A smile crossed my face as I watched him fold the paper until it resembled a flying bird. He handed it to me. It was really sweet. No one had even given me a paper bird before and though it was silly, I liked it.

“See, it’s a swan.”

“It looks like a duck with beak issues.” I deadpanned.

“Okay, I guess I’m better at math than I am at making origami animals. My paper airplanes win awards, though.” Jared let his glasses slide to the end of his nose as he looked at me over the lenses. “Is it safe to assume you’re the one Mr. Reed said needed a tutor?”

“Umm… only if it is safe to assume that you are the one who already took the AP calculus exam?”

He nodded. “Yep.”

My heart beat a little faster at the thought of getting to spend more time with Jared, but I forced the thought away. It was just tutoring. “Yes. Well, I guess this makes it a little easier for Mr. Reed. You really understand this stuff? I just can’t get it.”

“Yeah, I guess I do. I’m actually going to be majoring in mathematics, with a teaching minor next year. I’d like to teach math.”

I pushed my book in his direction. “You can start now.”

“We have so many customers through.”

The old man drinking decaf at the closest table coughed loudly and then continued reading the newspaper. I raised an eyebrow at Jared. His laughter filled my ears and I let out a girly sigh before blushing. The woman reading a book in the back booth came up and put her mug in the dirty bin before leaving. There were only two people left.

“Fine, but I want to make a deal.”

* I'm currently querying this novel, so you can't read all of it yet. :)

Congratulations Laura on three years of blogging! :) Be sure to visit others on the list and celebrate sarcasm!