Monday, April 11, 2016

Just This Once

This past weekend, I decided to do something different.

One of my friends invited me to come see her over the weekend. I spent most of my week, trying to pick up an extra shift at work and switch shifts so I could get someone else to take my Saturday shift. It almost didn't work out. It got under my skin and it irritated me. When I was lying in my bed, I realized why it bothered me so much. I'm gonna be honest with you. Some times my life just sucks. I work 50-55 hours a week, two jobs and two paychecks that never seem to add up enough to pay for rent, bills, food, gas for my car to get to work, etc. I'm exhausted. I'm worn out to the point where I could sit on my couch and cry, but I know it wouldn't change anything. So, I'm strong. I push down the feelings and I continue to work, trying to someday get ahead or enough that I'm not always struggling and stressed. I realized that my life is controlled by my work.

I know that in this world, you have to work to live. But it's become the main thing I'm concerned about. If I'm not at work, I'm getting ready to go work at my other job or I'm trying to catch six hours of sleep between laundry, dishes, cleaning, and trying to write. Sadly, writing comes last and I don't put myself first. It's hard for me to do.

I finally got off work and pushed aside the stress to get in the car for a five-hour drive to Madison, Wisconsin. My friend lives there and she invited me to Wizard World Comic Con with her on Saturday. Let me get this straight, I don't like large crowds of people and it makes me want to seclude myself. I get really quiet and don't want anyone bumping into me. It's my own personal social anxiety. Yes, I can be a bubbly person and I work customer service, so I can talk about the weather until I'm blue in the face, but I'm actually kind of shy and people make me anxious.

Saturday - sorry, I'm trying to stay on this thought. The point is, I met Billy Boyd. :) Billy Boyd who played Pippin Took in The Lord of the Rings, from my favorite book and movie series. We went to his panel and sat in the second row. I couldn't talk. As excited as I was, I felt people claustrophobic. But as soon as Billy stepped on stage, I felt such excitement. He kept everyone laughing the entire time! I loved it. He talked about pranks that he played, such as putting a fish in Sean Bean's car and they never told him, even after he complained his car stunk! :)

My friend is pretty awesome and she really helped me because this was her treat to me, along with a photo with Billy Boyd. I've never been so shaky as I walked up to him and he put his arm around me. It was only a few seconds, but I thanked him and he turned to me with a genuine smile and said "You are very welcome." I'll never forget it.

It's long been a dream of mine to meet someone from the cast of the Lord of the Rings. I'm so happy that it was Billy. He'll never remember it, but it was such an incredible moment for me. I felt special. I can't stop smiling about it. My friends teased me that I looked so star-struck in the picture, but I love it so much. It's that smile because I met a celebrity, yes, but I also accomplished a dream. I made a difference in my life. It makes me want to change my life.

I'm sure no one actually made it to the end of this, but I want to change. I'm tired of the mundane, work-obsessed life. I'm tired of crying in the car or being unable to pay bills. I don't want to throw another pity party. I want to change my life so I'm able to go on trips and meet new people. I'm so tired of not living my life. I'm gonna change it. This month, it's my plan to change my life in some way. I need a change. It's hard, but I want to live my life and have dreams that I can reach. :)

And someday, I'd love to go to another Comic Con and see Billy Boyd again or another actor that I've admired. I'm ready for a new, better life.


  1. I LOVE your face in that photo!! It's good to break up the routine and do something fun for once.

    1. Thanks Sarah!! :) I think the smile is a bit dork, but it is exactly how I was feeling. :)

  2. I read all the way through and I get it.Paying bills is hard but must be done. Here is my three step plan for you. Take it or leave it Krista, you'll always have my love. Also, did my email a few months ago help?

    1. Look through every bill and see if there anything unnecessary or non-essential that you can cut out of your life even for a short time. You'll be surprised at what you can do without if you put your mind to it. Also keep an eye out for coupons and sales.

    2. If you have not already buckle down on entering more writing contests or double down on readying manuscripts for an agent. Any bit that can move along the writing journey might help you have more income in a few years. Months would be better but realistic goals.

    3. Continue being more social, in fact find ways to get into an inner circle that is interested in what you love. Whether volunteering at a publishing house (even a small one online if you can), taking part in an event whether for books, movies or pop culture. Get yourself out there and connect. You never know who you might meet and how that helps.

  3. I understand your stress! And I only work one job, thank goodness. But there's never enough money to go around, and it feels like we're just drowning in debt and going nowhere. I hope things get better for you! Just think- you could be like J.K. Rowling, and one day, never have to worry about money again. =)