Sunday, September 4, 2016

September Goals

This isn't going to be an update like I usually do at the beginning of the month. For one thing, I'm late posting this at all. I normally post my update on the first. I can honestly say that I only completed one of my goals from last month. I'll show you.

Here are my goals from August:
* Write 10,000 words

* See "Star Trek Beyond"!

* Read three books

One goal. It's something. I guess. But I didn't do any writing or reading. None. I loved "Star Trek Beyond" though. I possibly saw it 3 times. :) Although I did finally manage to catch up on some house work and get my apartment cleaned. I'm still working my 50-55 hours a week. It's just tiring. But that's not the only thing on my mind.

Here's where my post gets more personal.

A few months ago, I went to the doctor for shingles. (I'm definitely glad that has healed.) While I was at the doctor, he wanted to talk about my blood pressure which has always been elevated. It was high enough that he decided not to wait any longer. He gave me a prescription. I admit that medication does make me feel better. I get less headaches and I feel better overall. But there was something he asked me. Before he gave me the prescription, he asked if he could be a little more personal. He asked if I was planning on getting pregnant in the next year because the medicine he was giving me wasn't the best for that and he had other choices. Of course, I made a joke about virgin births and said no.

But his question has stuck for me for a while now.

I'm twenty-seven years old and in December, I'll be twenty-eight. I'm not getting any younger. I'd dated a few guys, but I've always struggled with being in a relationship. I don't like to be too close and I hate being smothered by the person. No, don't text me multiple times to check on me or always want to be touching me. I'm not a touchy-feely person. (On a side note, my sister is the same way.) I'm just not a physically intimate person. It makes it hard to me to stay in a relationship. I just want out after a while. I'm okay being single. I've accepted that I might not get married and I'm okay with that. Some days I want it, but that's pretty rare. I'm happy as who I am.

My adorable siblings :)
There's something I'm not happy about. I have a strong desire to be a mom. I always have. I love children and I work with kids. Ever since I found out where babies come from, I've wanted to be a mom. But I don't necessary just want to adopt. I do love adoption, since I have an adopted sister and brother, who I love to pieces. But there's something about having my own child, feeling it kick, and be mine. I strongly desire that.

I'm not old, but I'm not getting any younger. And I don't think a woman should be forced to be married to have a child. We live in a non-traditional world anymore. I looked into artificial insemination. The cost is quite high. So I looked into doing it on my own with a known donor sperm. I won't go into details, but the male I had talked to, he decided he couldn't do it. That's fine. I gave him the choice, but I didn't realize how much it would hurt. I'm not going to give up on my dream, but it's harder. I don't want to wait until I'm 35 or older to have kids, though some do. I'm the most healthy now and it's better for my body and the baby.

I want to be financially secure first, of course. I'm really working on that. But I can't wait forever. :) I'm still deciding what my new step will be. I know that even though the child won't have a father, I have a great support system who would help raise a child. It'll feel impossible some days, but I can't imagine not being a mom someday.

Sorry if that was too personal, but that's really been weighing on my mind. I believe that I'm a strong woman and I can do it. I just need to figure out how.

I am going to do some goals, but they will be a little less for this month.

Goals for September:
* Read "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child"

* Read "The Girl Before" by Rena Olsen
I know the author! I can't wait to read her book!

* Buy "Captain America Civil War" on Blu-Ray
I have mine pre-ordered and I'm waiting to get it!

* Start planning my Hocus Pocus Halloween Party!

Hopefully I can accomplish some of those goals and at least catch up on my reading goal for this year. I'm falling behind. Please don't judge me too harshly for being honest. I hope the rest of your Labor Day weekend goes well! I'm off to spend time with a friend and possibly go tubing tomorrow. How did your goals from last month go?